Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize