Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize