In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Randomize
