he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
