allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
