I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
