My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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