I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
