Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
