So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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