I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
you made out with another girl for some wings
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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