What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
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I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
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That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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