HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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