If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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