I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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