please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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