New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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