i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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