question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
