Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
