Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
