She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The uberlube is also flammable
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
