I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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