Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
