Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
