Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
How external is "for external use only"?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
