I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
