I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
