loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
