the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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