remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
