Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just invented taco cereal.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
