you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
