i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
