she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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