P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
