Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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