the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
