all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
