I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
