im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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