dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The struggles of a small town man whore
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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