he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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