If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
