just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
