Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
