..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
