I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
high people should be assigned attendants
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
