Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
