I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
