My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
did you just send me my own nude
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
