Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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