Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
