for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize