I want to have your abortion
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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