The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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