True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Terrible idea I love it
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
