bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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