Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
