Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
