According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
