Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
