If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
there is glitter all over my balls
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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