Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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