this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
