rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
