You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
