I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
