sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
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