Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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