Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
