He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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