If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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